About Death and Life

I’ve been thinking a lot about death lately which automatically causes me to think about life.  I know what you are thinking.  I haven’t written a post in months and I start back in with death as my topic?   Could I be more cliched?

In the past few months I’ve lost several people I cared for.  The losses were sudden.  I was sad.  I began to think about my own life.  I considered what is important to me.  I wonder about the times I’ve been so frustrated and disappointed.  I think about all the second chances I’ve had.

On an early morning walk today I thought about what an amazing life I have.  Twenty years ago I would not have imagined  that I would be in a loving marriage with two little boys. I could not have dreamed up this beautiful Valley Center I live in.  Twenty years ago I didn’t think very much of myself.  I had a lot to overcome.  I’ve got so much to be grateful for these days.

My Nana is dying.  Of course we are all dying but she is closer then many of us.  Nana is 92.  She was a huge part of my childhood.  She’s been a huge part of my adult life.  She gave me a lot of chances.  I’ve thanked her many times for her part in my life, for her huge influence, for winter nights with dinner on tv trays and a fire in the hearth.  Nana’s death is slow and messy.  It’s difficult to watch.  When I was last with her I held her hand and told her our stories.  I told her about our sunny days in the boat and lunch on the lake.  I told her about the cabins and the tall dark fir trees that came right down to the edge of the water.  I told her the stories she can’t remember any more.

Nana, Mom, B and Me checking out the boat my Nana and Papa fished from in Alaska years ago.

At night, when I tuck my boys into bed I tell them my stories about the lake.  I tell them about the silly things my Papa used to say. I touch their noses and kiss them just like my Nana did with me.  I want my boys to have stories to tell me when I’m old.  When my boys are adults I want them to remember bits of their childhood that make them smile.  I want them to feel that warmth that I feel when I think about the adventures I’ve had with my friends who are gone.

When I think about all this death and all of this life, I remember that the small things really are important.  I remember that I value family and community and above all love.

Celebrations

There have been a lot of celebrations in Valley Center these past three weeks.  Valley Center Western Days happen around here every year at the end of May.  It’s a weekend long event that includes among other things: a parade, several rodeos, a pancake breakfast and a carnival.  My boys were both in the parade this year. Jakey rode in the award winning Ridgeview Preschool float showcasing the story of the Valley Center bear.  Benjamin walked with the local Cub Scout troupe.  B walked the route like a politician waving to people and shaking hands. Jakey rode on a flatbed trailer wearing a bear costume.  He and the other preschoolers looked like a mound of field mice sipping Capri Sun.

Cub Scouts in the Parade

Ridgeview Preschool Award winning parade float

 At the beginning of June, capping off a school year of practice , Benjamin and the entire second grade bilingual program along with second graders form the guitar club put on an amazing show.  The Guitar Club covered my favorite song, California, the from a local Escondido group, Talk Like June, that I’m just learning about.  Have a listen.  They are great.

backstage at the Guitar Club show, Maxine Theater.

Jakey had his last day of preschool and I was sad.  Of course I’m proud of his accomplishment and how he is growing.  I’m still sad to see the moments that mark his childhood go by.  Jakey told me not to cry because I might start coughing and this might lead to a “cough barf”.  The boy knows this from experience.

Benjamin is in the bilingual ( Spanish/English) program and will be moving from the Primary school to the Elementary school.  He was very sad to leave his teacher Mrs. Cottrell.  Benjamin and Mrs. Cottrell had a great personality fit.  I’m always glad when someone loves my quirky and sometimes prickly B.

Jakey at graduation.

We ended the school year with a lovely picnic at the community park overlooking the newly mown hay fields.  My boys played like wild things.  We were there with several families and all the children ran and jumped and yelled.  The parents talked and laughed and occasionally yelled back at the kids.  It was a marked difference from last year and so nice to add some happy onto a day of endings and tears.

Don’t say I didn’t warn ya, bout California

where the skies are bright and blue.

Where we can ride the waves

but at the end of the day we can rodeo too.

California, Talk Like Jane

Sleeping in San Diego or Unintentional Valley Girl

Mike and I sat in our living room and spent a few moments together this morning.  The sun just begins to peek into Woods Valley and strike along the rock face behind our home.

My morning coffee spot

Woods Valley is our small valley that is located in the larger town of Valley Center.  We have big windows in this house to take full advantage of that view.  I haven’t had the heart to cover them up yet.  I may never cover them up even though my mom says it’s creepy at night.  We have golfers pass behind the back fence during the day but very few are interested in leaving their game long enough to stare in our house.

A look at our beautiful rock faced valley wall and a few golfers thrown in.

At night it’s just owls, bats, and coyotes along with a cacophony of other creature noises.  I like the night noises.  You’d think an insomniac like myself would go crazy with it all but I sleep better here then any other place I’ve lived.  It’s not a bad place to wake up to either.

Night comes quickly in Valley Center

Peddler in Escondido

I’ve seen this traveling Avon showroom around Escondido several times now.  Escondido is the next town to the west and a little south of Valley Center.  The reconditioned camper reminds me of traveling peddlers from the old days.  I figure you’d only see this in a dry climate.

Have I mentioned  I love it here?

I’m a peddler

I’m a peddler

and don’t you want to buy

Many things I have in store

so many things you never saw

so many things you never saw before

so listen while I name them more.

– Jim Douglas 

Small Town Moments (STM)

I’ve had a few small town moments (STM) these past months that almost make up for the lack of a Starbucks in town. And, yeah, it makes me think of that John Mellencamp song too.

STM #1

After the dog attacked my mom when she was jogging, several women in the community called and dropped off dinners at my house.  This was beyond kind and was very helpful since my house was full of family.

STM #2

A few weeks ago I ran into our local dentist’s office to make an appointment and at the same time dropped off his wife’s cake pan and pick up a bread starter.  While at my appointment my dentist, Greg Carlson, mentioned that his wife noticed that my status update on Facebook that morning was all about my anxiety about my appointment.  This actually made me laugh and helped me relax.  I’m a freak at the dentist.  This was one of the better visits I’ve had.

STM #3

My neighbor invited Benjamin and I to the Middle School production of Oklahoma.  The auditorium was packed.  During intermission I saw families with children of all ages.  I saw parents and grandparents.  Even the local sheriff stopped by.  I love the idea that my kids will grow up with this kind of community support.

What’s An Ag?

One of the first things I did when we moved to Valley Center was to coordinate and consolidate the school calendars with our family calendar.  After all, I’m a mom and a former teacher.  I’ve got a kid with Type 1 Diabetes in second grade and another child in preschool.  I understand the importance of being prepared for field trips, pizza days and book fairs.

I noticed that in April the Primary School and Elementary School students would be attending Ag Day.  At least I thought they’d be attending.  I wasn’t sure exactly what Ag Day was and therefore had not a clue about what one might do with or for an Ag.

It’s okay to laugh, you won’t be the first one.

I spoke with my husband and said, “you don’t suppose this is referring to agriculture?”. He told he was pretty sure Ag Day was really Agricultural Day and would in some way be relating to the fact that we now live in an agriculturally based community.

A beautiful Ag Day

I have a lot to learn.  When I mentioned Ag Day to my sister-in-law she said, “Is there also an Urban Day where you can get a coffee, do some shopping, go to a book store and then get Vietnamese for lunch?”.  I have a LOT to learn about being in the country.

I’ve now attended two Ag Days.  Valley Center School District has a school farm.  Parents and volunteers came together to showcase the agriculture, the ranching and the beauty of this paradise we live in.  It’s very dusty.  There are lots of kids and my fear of snakes was on overload.  I’m not going to lie, I was a fish out of water or perhaps a better metaphor would be a Mama far away from Starbucks.  It was lovely though, to see the children learning about palm trees,  planting and how to be better stewards of our environment.  It was also priceless to hear my son at the dairy exhibit exclaim slightly horrified, “Milk comes from THAT?!”.

Benjamin inspects a milk cow

Along with the whole country community thing comes a wonderful sense of belonging.  At this last Ag Day I saw quite a few parents that I am beginning to know.  They were all kind.  They laughed with me about my ignorance.  They checked in with B.  They offered us cool water.   This really is such a great place to raise our boys.

 

Attacked While Jogging

Thank you all for your out pouring of love and support yesterday.  As most of your know my mom was attacked by a dog while jogging in our neighborhood yesterday morning.  Mom is here with Nana who is 92.  She brought Nana down to see the boys and baby Jane and to enjoy some sun.  They planned to be here from Wednesday evening to Monday morning.  Saturday was a rainy morning but typical Mom she wanted to run.  She got up early and slipped out the front door.  We live in a safe neighborhood that is ideal for walking and running.  We are a gated community which I always feel keeps the road traffic down and is nice for all the children who ride bikes and play in the cul de sacs.  Our community also has rules regarding leashing pets.

Mom was almost to our home at about 6:30 Saturday morning when a neighbor raised their garage door and allowed their two large dogs to run outside without leashes.  Mom told me that one of the dogs, a Pitbull, ran across the street straight toward her.  Mom slowed to a walk and the dog attacked her.  She must have put her right arm up in a defensive position because that is where she sustained the worst of her injuries.  Mom was screaming but we didn’t hear her.  The dog pulled her to the ground and bit her face catching her lower lip.  At some point Mom remember the neighbor lady who let the dogs out throwing her bathrobe over the dog trying to wrestle the dog off of Mom.  Mom says the dog’s jaws were so strong she was unable to break free. Finally the neighbor lady gained some control of the dog and told mom to run.  Somehow my mom rain to our home and into our front door.  She was screaming and covered in blood.  She was shaking and going into shock.  I feel nauseous remembering this moment because I grabbed her trying to figure out what happened.  She just kept sobbing, “Vicki a dog attacked me, I thought I was going to die”.  She was in horrible pain.  Those of you who know my know she is a tough cookie and doesn’t cry much or show pain.  I knew right away she was in trouble.

Mike called 911.  I tried to put some pressure on her arm but she was in too much pain for me to do that.  Her mouth was bleeding everywhere.  I couldn’t put too much pressure on that because it looked so ground up.  I just tried to hold her and calm her while we waited for the paramedics.  At some point I ran to a neighbor to ask if there was a doctor on the street who might help.  I also didn’t know if the dog was still out.  Tom, bless him, was so kind to me as I stood shaking at his door step in just my night shirt.  Mike stood up the street waiting for the paramedics as the 911 operator said it would be easier for them to find our house if he was there to flag them in.  I have to say the Valley Center Paramedics were wonderful.  Amazingly, they all looked like children.  When did I get old?  They did a very quick professional and kind job with Mom and with me.  I ran to get some clothes and went into the ambulance with Mom.  Eli rushed over to take care of Nana and the kids.  Mike followed in our car.

While were were going to the hospital mom was getting an IV and some morphine and (I think) oxygen.  She was so pale and crying out from the pain.  They had to cut her running top off her arm in order to better work on her wounds.  We went to Palomar Hospital.  Not the fanciest hospital on the planet but they got the job done.  The worst part was watching mom be in such pain and be so confused.  She kept saying “Vicki I can’t believe it.  I just keep seeing that dog coming at me.”  She also said several times, “What if it had been one of the boys?  It would have killed a child.”

After they determined that her arm was not broken, the on call hand specialist/plastic surgeon was called.  Over the phone from his car he gave instructions for the ER staff to prep Mom’s arm.  Not a fun experience as they had to wash out her wounds.  I won’t go into too much detail but I was in with her the whole time and her arm looked like meat that had been torn apart.  The surgeon came in and gave her more then 20 shots of a numbing medicine.  That was tough because those shots went directly into the torn areas and inside and outside of her mouth.  Then the surgeon (who the nurses described as an “artist”) went to work.  He made the whole area in the ER treatment room a mini surgical room.  He said to me, “you can stay if you won’t faint.” and I said “I won’t faint”. I was able to sit in a chair at the enge of the treatment room. He took his time and was kind enough to answer my questions.  He wore a special pair of glasses with long magnifying lenses on them.  I asked how he could get the tissue together and he said it was like a jig saw puzzle he finds the ragged pieces and puts them back together.  It was impressive.  He was able to give mom her lip back and pull the wound into a fairly straight line.  Her are was stitched all over from the elbow to the writ in the front and back.  Several hours later, when it was done we were all exhausted except for the surgeon who looked pleased with himself.

The rest of the story involves lots of pain, a trip back to the hospital in the evening for more IV fluids and more pain meds.  The surgeon says this will be a slow healing process for mom and it will be painful.  She is here with us for awhile more.  We will be reworking flights ect. today.  The doctors tell us the biggest worry is infection.  She has been pumped full of very stone antibiotics but they say we can only wait and see.  The surgeon will see her on Tuesday.  If she has an infection he says it’s “a whole other ball game”.  The nurse told me Mom’s body is “fighting” all the bacteria right now.  She is not able to use her right arm much but she can wiggle her fingers which is excellent.  She will not be able to care for Nana for some time.  This will be difficult as she does all of Nana’s care including showering and dressing her and taking her too all her appointments.  Jeff and I are working on a plan for that now.  Mom is home now with us.  She looks better today.  She has more color in her face and is sipping Ginger Ale. I’ll update on Facebook after the surgeon visit on Tuesday.  She is having some problems with flashbacks from the attack.  I figure this will all take some time to recover from.

Thank you all so very much for your support.  Mom thanked me for staying with her at the hospital and I reminded her that this is what families do.  We care for each other.

If you have questions feel free to email or text me.  I banned Mom from her phone but she may get back to it today 🙂

Much love,

Vicki

Pumpkin Patch Then and Now

When we lived in Vancouver we always went to Bi-Zi Farms http://www.bizifarms.com/ and Pomeroy Living History Farm http://pomeroyfarm.org/ .  Both were beautiful in their own way.  On an early morning Bi-Zi could be amazing.  I remember looking up the field, watching the fog just lifting off the ground framing the tractor that we rode on.  Pomeroy was my favorite because of the hills of bright yellow, orange and red leaves surrounding the patch.

Pomeroy Farm Pumpkin Washing station

Bi-Zi Farm

This year we had a fabulous time at Bates Nut Farm http://www.batesnutfarm.biz/.  Bates happens to be down the road from our home in Woods Valley.  The kids had a great time.  It’s the first time I’ve every worn shorts to the pumpkin patch!  It wasn’t the same kind of cold crisp autumn beautiful but it was lovely.

Checking out the pumpkins in the morning sun.

Coffee Culture

I grew up in the Northwest.  Coffee culture in the NW is big.  You know, we started Starbucks.  We also started grunge and a few other movements but that is a story for another time. I remember when Starbucks was just at Northwest thing.  We were all sure going National and then International would ruin it.  Then Coffee People sold out and went corporate.  It didn’t take long for me to find espresso in any airport I traveled through.  Secretly I enjoyed the accessibility of one of my favorite treats.

It’s cloudy and rainy in the Northwest for a good portion of fall, most of the winter and most of the spring.  All the mist and rain gives the land a lush green look.  Everything smells earthy of growing things and rainforests.  I love falling asleep to the sound of rain hitting the roofs and windows.  It’s dark though, something that Californians don’t really understand.  They tell me they’d love to live in the rain.  I don’t think they get the heaviness of low clouds and rain that can last literally for months.  It’s cozy, yes.  It’s also one of the places with the greatest numbers of suicide in the country.

Coffee houses were a way that we escaped some of the monotony of the weather.  They are community hubs filled with books, squishy chairs, sometimes live music and always always the rich think smell of espresso.  My local Starbucks was a place where I had business meetings, met other moms, took my kids and sometimes escaped my kids.  I knew the people behind the counter.  It was a kind of home extension.

When we moved I didn’t need coffee as a stimulant to ward off the doom and gloom of the weather.  I did miss the local coziness, that sense of place that comes with being a regular.  I’ve been trying some local coffee spots around town.  I thought you’d enjoy seeing the place I’ve been going to lately, “Momma’s”.  Seating is outside year round.