About Death and Life

I’ve been thinking a lot about death lately which automatically causes me to think about life.  I know what you are thinking.  I haven’t written a post in months and I start back in with death as my topic?   Could I be more cliched?

In the past few months I’ve lost several people I cared for.  The losses were sudden.  I was sad.  I began to think about my own life.  I considered what is important to me.  I wonder about the times I’ve been so frustrated and disappointed.  I think about all the second chances I’ve had.

On an early morning walk today I thought about what an amazing life I have.  Twenty years ago I would not have imagined  that I would be in a loving marriage with two little boys. I could not have dreamed up this beautiful Valley Center I live in.  Twenty years ago I didn’t think very much of myself.  I had a lot to overcome.  I’ve got so much to be grateful for these days.

My Nana is dying.  Of course we are all dying but she is closer then many of us.  Nana is 92.  She was a huge part of my childhood.  She’s been a huge part of my adult life.  She gave me a lot of chances.  I’ve thanked her many times for her part in my life, for her huge influence, for winter nights with dinner on tv trays and a fire in the hearth.  Nana’s death is slow and messy.  It’s difficult to watch.  When I was last with her I held her hand and told her our stories.  I told her about our sunny days in the boat and lunch on the lake.  I told her about the cabins and the tall dark fir trees that came right down to the edge of the water.  I told her the stories she can’t remember any more.

Nana, Mom, B and Me checking out the boat my Nana and Papa fished from in Alaska years ago.

At night, when I tuck my boys into bed I tell them my stories about the lake.  I tell them about the silly things my Papa used to say. I touch their noses and kiss them just like my Nana did with me.  I want my boys to have stories to tell me when I’m old.  When my boys are adults I want them to remember bits of their childhood that make them smile.  I want them to feel that warmth that I feel when I think about the adventures I’ve had with my friends who are gone.

When I think about all this death and all of this life, I remember that the small things really are important.  I remember that I value family and community and above all love.

Small Town Moments (STM)

I’ve had a few small town moments (STM) these past months that almost make up for the lack of a Starbucks in town. And, yeah, it makes me think of that John Mellencamp song too.

STM #1

After the dog attacked my mom when she was jogging, several women in the community called and dropped off dinners at my house.  This was beyond kind and was very helpful since my house was full of family.

STM #2

A few weeks ago I ran into our local dentist’s office to make an appointment and at the same time dropped off his wife’s cake pan and pick up a bread starter.  While at my appointment my dentist, Greg Carlson, mentioned that his wife noticed that my status update on Facebook that morning was all about my anxiety about my appointment.  This actually made me laugh and helped me relax.  I’m a freak at the dentist.  This was one of the better visits I’ve had.

STM #3

My neighbor invited Benjamin and I to the Middle School production of Oklahoma.  The auditorium was packed.  During intermission I saw families with children of all ages.  I saw parents and grandparents.  Even the local sheriff stopped by.  I love the idea that my kids will grow up with this kind of community support.

What’s An Ag?

One of the first things I did when we moved to Valley Center was to coordinate and consolidate the school calendars with our family calendar.  After all, I’m a mom and a former teacher.  I’ve got a kid with Type 1 Diabetes in second grade and another child in preschool.  I understand the importance of being prepared for field trips, pizza days and book fairs.

I noticed that in April the Primary School and Elementary School students would be attending Ag Day.  At least I thought they’d be attending.  I wasn’t sure exactly what Ag Day was and therefore had not a clue about what one might do with or for an Ag.

It’s okay to laugh, you won’t be the first one.

I spoke with my husband and said, “you don’t suppose this is referring to agriculture?”. He told he was pretty sure Ag Day was really Agricultural Day and would in some way be relating to the fact that we now live in an agriculturally based community.

A beautiful Ag Day

I have a lot to learn.  When I mentioned Ag Day to my sister-in-law she said, “Is there also an Urban Day where you can get a coffee, do some shopping, go to a book store and then get Vietnamese for lunch?”.  I have a LOT to learn about being in the country.

I’ve now attended two Ag Days.  Valley Center School District has a school farm.  Parents and volunteers came together to showcase the agriculture, the ranching and the beauty of this paradise we live in.  It’s very dusty.  There are lots of kids and my fear of snakes was on overload.  I’m not going to lie, I was a fish out of water or perhaps a better metaphor would be a Mama far away from Starbucks.  It was lovely though, to see the children learning about palm trees,  planting and how to be better stewards of our environment.  It was also priceless to hear my son at the dairy exhibit exclaim slightly horrified, “Milk comes from THAT?!”.

Benjamin inspects a milk cow

Along with the whole country community thing comes a wonderful sense of belonging.  At this last Ag Day I saw quite a few parents that I am beginning to know.  They were all kind.  They laughed with me about my ignorance.  They checked in with B.  They offered us cool water.   This really is such a great place to raise our boys.

 

Pumpkin Patch Then and Now

When we lived in Vancouver we always went to Bi-Zi Farms http://www.bizifarms.com/ and Pomeroy Living History Farm http://pomeroyfarm.org/ .  Both were beautiful in their own way.  On an early morning Bi-Zi could be amazing.  I remember looking up the field, watching the fog just lifting off the ground framing the tractor that we rode on.  Pomeroy was my favorite because of the hills of bright yellow, orange and red leaves surrounding the patch.

Pomeroy Farm Pumpkin Washing station

Bi-Zi Farm

This year we had a fabulous time at Bates Nut Farm http://www.batesnutfarm.biz/.  Bates happens to be down the road from our home in Woods Valley.  The kids had a great time.  It’s the first time I’ve every worn shorts to the pumpkin patch!  It wasn’t the same kind of cold crisp autumn beautiful but it was lovely.

Checking out the pumpkins in the morning sun.

Coffee Culture

I grew up in the Northwest.  Coffee culture in the NW is big.  You know, we started Starbucks.  We also started grunge and a few other movements but that is a story for another time. I remember when Starbucks was just at Northwest thing.  We were all sure going National and then International would ruin it.  Then Coffee People sold out and went corporate.  It didn’t take long for me to find espresso in any airport I traveled through.  Secretly I enjoyed the accessibility of one of my favorite treats.

It’s cloudy and rainy in the Northwest for a good portion of fall, most of the winter and most of the spring.  All the mist and rain gives the land a lush green look.  Everything smells earthy of growing things and rainforests.  I love falling asleep to the sound of rain hitting the roofs and windows.  It’s dark though, something that Californians don’t really understand.  They tell me they’d love to live in the rain.  I don’t think they get the heaviness of low clouds and rain that can last literally for months.  It’s cozy, yes.  It’s also one of the places with the greatest numbers of suicide in the country.

Coffee houses were a way that we escaped some of the monotony of the weather.  They are community hubs filled with books, squishy chairs, sometimes live music and always always the rich think smell of espresso.  My local Starbucks was a place where I had business meetings, met other moms, took my kids and sometimes escaped my kids.  I knew the people behind the counter.  It was a kind of home extension.

When we moved I didn’t need coffee as a stimulant to ward off the doom and gloom of the weather.  I did miss the local coziness, that sense of place that comes with being a regular.  I’ve been trying some local coffee spots around town.  I thought you’d enjoy seeing the place I’ve been going to lately, “Momma’s”.  Seating is outside year round.  

Knott’s Berry Farm Hangover

Yesterday we drove up Interstate 5 to Anaheim.  Mike’s company picnic was at Knott’s Berry Farm.  It was a quick drive.  Hello California driving!  We had a really great time.  It was hot.  I bought cute hats for the boys.  I took adorable pictures.  At the end of the day we were all ready to go home. 

I was struck once again how amazing it is to drive home following highway signs that say, “South to San Diego”.  We drove through San Clemente along the Pacific Ocean just as the sun was glinting down on the water at the horizon.  We drove through Escondido up over our mountain pass and down into Valley Center.  We were all so tired but it was a good day.

Ferris Wheel

Monday is here.  There is nothing like a day at an amusement park with two little guys to wear Mama and Dada out. Mike went to work.  I drove the boys to school and came home past the orange and grapefruit groves.  I was struck once again by the beauty of this place.  We are starting to transition to the idea of this place as “home”.  We still miss our places and people in Vancouver but this feels like a home base now.  Making a change like this is frightening.  It’s a huge deal to move away from all that I’ve known.  It’s unnerving to not know a school system or a neighborhood or even where to get groceries.  I hate the whole rattlesnake thing as well but that is a topic for another blog.

I’m proud of us.  We are doing a really hard thing. We’ve moved forward on our adventure and found all of this beauty.  I think we’ve found we are stronger then we thought.

Brave at the top of the Ferris Wheel

Running Off To The Ocean

It is finally cooling down after three days of heavy wet air that has been flowing up to us from Mexico.  I can smell eucalyptus coming in the open windows tonight. This afternoon we escaped this heavy sweaty air by running off to the ocean.  It is only thirty minutes from our house.  We drove directly west and stopped at the nearest beach in Oceanside.  It was a tiny spot with a lifeguard station, a snack shack, someone playing a guitar and a long gentle beach dotted with sandcastles.

My boys tried boogie boarding for the first time.  I felt so joyful to see them happy and fist pumping after their rides.  Little Jakey was a bug riding with his head up proud onto the slope of the beach.  B was gangly and daring figuring it all out for the first time.  The ocean tasted so salty.  The water was cold.  It was the perfect refreshment after our hot dense days.

The best bit of this whole impromptu early evening was to see my boys happy and carefree.  Being adventurous and making big life changes are hard tasks most especially for my little boys.  As much as I believe we will have a good life here north San Diego County, I hate seeing my boys struggle and grieve their old lives.  Jakey still looks at me with big eye to ask “we in California now?”.  It was lovely to have a carefree and happy afternoon.  Jakey danced up to the edge of the water after each board ride and pumped his little fist in the air.  B ran those long legs of his into the surf over and over.  Today this huge move of ours feels like a good idea.