I’m on this quest to figure out what living life in a real and meaningful way looks like, feels like, tastes like. I realize this sounds sappy and possibly way to close to Oprah speak but it’s the best way to explain what I’m trying to do. To be honest I’m not very good at questing. Change isn’t my favorite experience. Still, last Friday at dinner I found myself reminding my husband Mike that I’m strong. “I’ve done a lot of really hard things”, I insisted to my poor husband who’d only made a small comment about my level of stress. “I may throw up at the drop of a hat or sleep for only a few hours at night when I’m stressed but I can do ‘hard’ “. Maybe I was reminding myself of this fact. Mike looked as if he was trying to decide if he should say something to me or if he should just let me rant for a while. He let me rant while I listed several of my “hard things” as proof of my worth and strength. This was a good call on his part. He knows me well. He’s the steady one and I’m the one always trying to figure myself out.
What is interesting about my life right now is how much I’m enjoying it. There really is nothing very glamorous about parenting. Last week my three year old explained my cold symptoms to anyone who would listen. He was concerned about my coughing and sniffling but latched on to the fact that I didn’t have a fever any longer. “Mama doesn’t have a beaver any more!” he’d shout at Safeway or in the hallway at preschool or, more disturbingly, when we were eating dinner.
Not working at a regular job has been freeing. Mike and I talk a lot about what a full and happy family life looks like. We talk about how change is hard but can also be the best thing in the world. We know we love being in the sunshine with the boys. We like snuggling on our bed with both boys and even the Chihuahuas. Mike encourages me to write. I encourage Mike to let go of as much of the craziness of work as possible. In between we paint the house, talk a lot about carbs and insulin ratios, bath the boys, work on potty training and live as a family. It’s not a glamorous life but in so many ways it’s the one I’d hoped for all along.